The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
we're so committed to being not committed
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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