I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
