idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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