just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just had sex on a roof
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize