her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
