You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
