What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
