shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
