I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
