and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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