I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Enjoy the penises
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
