Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
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