My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
