Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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