I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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