She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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