Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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