Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
