So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
