He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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