She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
