She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
