after a month anything with tits is on the radar
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
