I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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