Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
