Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
