it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
