Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
