I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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