What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
