Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
