And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
