you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
