And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
