I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
