Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
