If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
