I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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