Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Randomize
