Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
In America we eat man semen.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
