My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize