just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
