2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
