I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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