Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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