This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
