Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
