Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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