In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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