I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
