fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
