Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
