Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
