i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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