So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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