it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
