I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
