i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
