I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
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He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
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WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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