hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
