I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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