yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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