we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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