he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
