My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
