How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
