Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The uberlube is also flammable
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
