At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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