It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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