I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
