i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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