you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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