I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
