Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
