I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize