Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
