I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
