Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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