We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
