I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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