I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
