I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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