I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
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As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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