you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
