Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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