Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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