I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have tasted many bathrooms
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
