I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My vagina just clenched in fear
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
