i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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